Anatomy of Disappointments
As a man trying to move forward in his calling and purpose, one thing I really struggle with is disappointment. And after much thought, I’ve come up with a conclusion.
A disappointment is a state of attitude or feeling. It’s a state of “being let down,” a feeling of sadness and frustration. The way I see it is that an unfortunate “DIS” appeared in an appointment we had in our future. The prefix “dis” means “not” or the “opposite of”… In other words, we had a mental arrangement or an expectation that was eliminated or cancelled. And by doing so, it caused us to be disconnected from the expectation of our preconceived appointment.
Now, defining disappointments is one thing but understanding where they come from is another. I’ve had my share of disappointments and in many cases an overdose. 🙂 But in analyzing and asking God for wisdom to recognize their origin, I realized some things:
1. Disappointments DON’T come from God. One of His attributes of God is that He is FAITHFUL.
- His faithfulness denotes that His purpose for us is that we succeed. “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. (Deuteronomy 7:9)
2. Disappointments come from us. We get disappointed when things fail to live up to our own preconceived expectations.
- We attach expectation to every part of our lives. We create conclusions as to how we expect things to pan out. And we do this more when we are the center of our universe!
3. Eliminating expectation is NOT the answer.
- This is much of the behavior of people who have had their share in disappointments. Eliminating expectation is not the answer to living free from the pain of disappointments. Without expectation there is no hope.
4. Disappointments come when we place God in a box. We expect Him to fulfill His purpose our way.
- And that usually occurs when we have an “it’s all about me” attitude. In the Kingdom of God, self-aggrandizement, pride, selfishness and laziness will always lead to failed efforts of notoriety or empty “accomplishments.”
5. It’s all about attitude and misplaced expectation.
- I’ve come to comprehend a kingdom paradox…our dreams never die until we do, but it’s only in “our death” that they become alive again. When our attitude is one of service and humility then we position ourselves NEVER to be disappointed in our expectations.
Understand that the greatest “seeming disappointment” was the crucifixion of Jesus. Oh how the disciples must have felt! Their expectations were most definitely misplaced! It was only in His death that victory was achieved.
So, if you are feeling disappointment over an unfulfilled expectation, remember this… God is faithful, He will fulfill His purpose through you – but only if it’s His purpose and not yours. And what might be the end of something it could very likely be the beginning of something very BIG and SUCCESSFUL!
Since i came to this country, i have always felt that way, were i could fulfill my own purpose in live and ultimately wasting my time but them I was fill with purpose thanks to the Grace of God i have new goals to reach which day by day i have discovered through God’s people fully of the Holy Spirit or through experience good or bad, thank God because i understand that i was just for make better and for my good.
Being calm and faithfull in God’s promise is what i have been experiencing personally and i inmmediately give Him thank because He is in control.
Thank Pastor for share God’s word with us and Thank God that i found a place where the presence of God is manifested.
You are welcome Javi!! Good word!
When we feel disappointed is just a result of false expectation. We expect everything to align the way we want it and truly God works in way that we don’t know. God is faithful and all His promises to us are yes and amen. If He said it we most believe it and push toward the direction that He lead us. I think we confuse sometimes disappointments with the pain and suffering of growing. A lot of our Bible character had to go through very rough times before they got the promise of God. When we feel disappointed is really a misunderstanding of His will and promises in our lives. The more we surrender our life to God the less disappointed we are going to feel and our hope and love to others will increase more and more.
Excellent Mario!
Pastor thank you for writing this block it really has minister to me. I truly can identify myself with number 3 and I always though that was the solution just eliminate expectation so I did not get hurt. I still have a lot of dying to do but like you said God is faithful and he will fulfill his purpose in me. Thank you again!!!!
Sorry is Blog not block…LOL…forgetting how to write in english not good!!!
As I look back at so many of my disappointments was what I thought
I wanted that would make me happy or completed: These were things
or people that would not be in my best interest. But I always had God,s mercy and protection. Wow! this is a interesting insight for
little ole me! I have so much to be thankful to my Heavenly Father
for. I believe in miracles because sent me to IMPACT CHURCH to meet
and fall in love with my Father, brothers and sisters in Christ. I am
so blessed!!
Cindy, I believe we are the ones that are blessed! You have been a tremendous blessing to us!
Great word and thank you for sharing your wisdom with us Pastor. I too have been part of numerous amount of disappointments (too much to count LOL); but I have to say that through them all, I am very grateful to God that I am fortunate to get wisdom and learn from those disappointments.
One of the biggest problems I have notice is that many of us immediately go into the ” I ” factor. I have been hurt. I am disappointed. I this, I that. We become so self centered that we fail to realize that ” I ” was the only one who disappointed ” me “. Thank you Pastor for providing your positive words that will evidently teach me and help me go through disappointments with a SMILE 🙂 .
I agree Peter… God is helping us… And we are keeping our heads up!
God has many ways to teach and show us his plan and purpose in us. My family and I made the mistake to place a expectation and trust in a person and we absolutly though that it was going to work. However, it did not work. Several mistakes in this picture. We did not place God first. Things, aren’t getting any better but this experience has teach me and my family to have faith in God, that we have each other, that no matter what happens God its with us, that he has not forsake us. I can tell you that all my family and I are more united and happy than ever. We understand that this happen so we can seek him more and believe in him more. As he continues moving in our lifes my kids are learning how to pray, our coworkers pray and other amazing things are happening but this couldn’t occured without the disappointment first. So just BELIVE, he has a plan for everyone.
Our trust and expectation should always be on HIM!! I know its easier said than done, but we all seem to learn that lesson… Thanks for sharing…
Many times I get disappointed because things did not turn out my way. Sometimes I believe I have the perfect game plan and then it fails. My favorite part about the blog is that our dreams never die until we do. I am a little hard headed at times. I have to tell God I give up. Take complete control. Daily I have to fight for my flesh to be crucified and realize that I am not God. Through patience I realize that God has his own time frame and all I can do is persevere, submit, and believe in him. Even though I have failed God, he has never failed me.
Jazz… It looks we are all hard-headed at times. Thanks God for His grace!!
Wow, let’s just say that this blog truly hits home.
I have been one to many times do #3, which in reality is give up. I stop hoping, dreaming or moving forward. When this happens I become misearable and in a state of deep depression where I loose the Joy of the Lord. I am still learning that there will be disappointments and how I embrace them and my attitude is what will determine the outcome. Disappointments do not come from God but they are allowed by him in order for Him to get from us what he is wanting. Every diappointment will bring a lesson and it is a steping stone for the next level in your life.
I refuse to let any disappointment take the Joy of the Lord from me but will embrace them.
Thanks Pastor for sharing.
Jalina, then take this word and make it real in your life!! KEEP DREAMING AND MOVING FORWARD!!!
Well Pastor we need to go through disappointments because that is showing us that we need to seek the lord and he will show us how to get to the next level.
But unless we learn from those disappointments, we will continue to experience them over and over again.
Learning not to based my actions on emotions has been a huge one for me since I moved back to Miami on 2005 but it’s been one of the more liberating ones!!! I remember asking God in the past as I would feel disappointed that I didn’t wanted to be a cold person, a person who would build up walls towards everybody and everything so I wouldn’t get hurt but then again this whole concept revolves in “ME” and the idea is not to isolate myself from people but to reach out to people. I thank God for wisdom and for opening up eyes and let me see the adjustments that I needed to make in my life so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes over and over again. As I keep on dying my prayer is for God to keep on guiding me and for His wisdom to accompany me always. I’m still learning everyday.
Joselyn…. WOW!!! Your responses are amazing!!! Love them!! I can see you growing leaps and bounds!!
Pastor when we seek the Lord more it will show us how to overcome our dissappointments and make it to the next level.
Amen Januel!
Thanks for this blog Pastor, it was a comforting word that many of us needed in order to start dreaming again. More than likely, this will not be the last time you will have to encourage us in this area.
Yes Andrea, I believe that! But the good thing is that we are dreaming again! Thanks for responding.
First thing that popped in my mind when I read your beginning paragraph was expectation and hope. And then, there they were in your points.
As a child, I remember being so excited to visit my cousins in Alabama for the summer that I would literally be packed a month in advance. 🙂 (I didn’t know any better as a kid)
My expectation and excitement level was enormously high because every summer with my cousins was a memorable experience. (Preconceived expectation)
My mom popped my bubble that year though when she said we wouldn’t be going.
I hadn’t realized until now, that I pretty much wait until the last minute to pack for any trips I take. That’s enlightening. For something so small as a missed summer vacation, the expectation/excitement for traveling left me. That expectation however, can be applied to all facets of my life though.
I unknowingly gave up on expecting things. I lost hope. How can one fufill the purpose God has for them if they’re not even in expectation for it? There’s that inkling in the back of your mind saying is it really me. That disappointment, is doubts and hurt.
Oh my April…. I teared up… Well, let’s get our hope and expectation on Him… Thanks for sharing…
Aggggggg!!! We are plants. Disappointments are crap!! Like literal horse crap. Used on plants to fertilize them. They stink but they help us grow.
April: I feel you. The root of my disappointments is similar to yours. Yet very different. Yay mom!!
As children we know that we can trust our parents more than anyone in the whole world. They love us more than anyone else ever can and they’d do anything for us. That is.. Until they unintentionally crush us. :/
I remember at the age of 4, telling my mother about something terrible that was happening to me and “expecting” her to hug me, cry with me, take away the pain, make the situation end… Instead, I got a slap in the face (so hard I can still feel the sting just thinking about it) and I was told to stop making up stories.
Since that day I made a vow to myself to never trust anyone with any personal information no matter how petty or life changing. I never let myself have any BFF’s or anything close to that. I told myself that no matter what I say or do people will never truly believe me and tge only thing I should “expect” from another human is for them to bring me pain.
I never confided in anyone from the age of 4 to 22. I finally decided it was time to let go and start trusting at least one person. That person is now my husband and I know I can trust him with anything. So I figured let me try this friend thing with someone else. Guess what?! This one hurt me too. I confided in this person. Expected them to do the same with me. Instead, this person just walks out of my life entirely with barely even an explanation.
Once again I decided to just give up on expecting any good out of anyone. But, it’s like you said pastor, giving up on expectation is giving up hope. So, again I’ve opened myself.
I’ve forgiven my mother and we are closer than any mother daughter duo I know. I’ve forgiven that friend who walked out on me so long ago and we are rebuilding our friendship. I have to realize that sometimes we let in the bad with the good and that’s part of what helps us grow.
Bring on the disappointments and continue to fertilize my life.
Once again, a very good word! The fertilizer of disappointments will cause us to grow… which means we have much growth coming ahead!!
I found myself about 3 years ago living in point number 3. Having no expectation in a certain key player in my life. I was tired of so many disappointments and apparent broken promises. I would tell myself expect nothing and you won’t be hurt anymore. But that attitude was not pleasing to God as I knew I was to trust in the Christ in that person not the person. During this season I learned that my expectation should be filtered through the word and not just my belief or “conviction”. It was in knowing that “Everything” works for the good that caused me to keep pressing forward and pray and persevere in this relationship. Today I believe it’s better than ever and I am glad I did not give up and hope was restored but this time through the proper filters. We must never loose hope but we should always be sure our expectations are in HIM who never fails and no one else.
Thank you Sir for all you do.
Thanks you Laz… Thanks for seeing it through the eyes of the Kingdom!
Dissapointment is truly a state of mind. What we think becomes our reality. Certainly many times things do not work out the way I expect. The beauty of it is we can choose how to respond, we can sulk or be let down or be accepting and trust God. Ultimately we do have the ability to choose our response to an outcome. I believe that acceptance is key. I can accept and not judge an outcome which gives me a sense of peace. To a great extent we are not that important in the realm of things. It truly is about letting go and letting GOD!!!
Very good and deep thinking Elisa! Love it!
On point number 2, I immediately identified myself with it. I have always had expectations of how would come about. I pray to God and know that He will make a way, but when time goes on I take matters into my own hands. I want to see things happen on my timing but not God’s timing. Reading this blog, led me to think this; if I was going to intervene, then why did I ask God for help in the first place? Too many times have I done this and if I expect anything different to happen, I need to stop painting a picture of how God will make it happen. I must humble myself and let God do what God is going to do in His timing.
Great observation. But keep in mind that you still need faith in order to expect. Your faith needs to be used to get answers and results but not the answers and results that we perceive in our own minds.
One of the parts of this blog that stood out to me the most was when you mentioned the seemingly greatest disappointment was the crucifixion of Jesus… Its so basic to me, i have known that for years but did not align it with my own disappointments. Bottom line GOD HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He is the plan maker.
Yes he does Andy… He has everything under control… All is well – He plans are to prosper us!!
I really like this blog. I have dreams and I’ve found that those dreams take time. And regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen the way I think it should is ok. God is and always has been and always will be in control of my life and I am His to do as He will. And that gives me peace. Though sometimes are hard…. He is always faithful!
Excellent!! Keep that.. I know its hard… TRUST ME!! But keep that – its the key!
I too have suffered from disappointments, hope differed and misplaced expectation. One particular statement in this blog stands out to me. You wrote “Understanding that the greatest seeming disappointment was the crucifixion of Jesus.” This statement lead me to reread the story of the men from Emmaus. These men had been greatly disappointed. They had believed that Jesus, the miracle working teacher from Galilee, was the long awaited Messiah from God and that the kingdom of God was about to break open. Then Jesus was crucified and His followers ran away. Their whole situation appeared to have changed dramatically. The Savior was dead, the movement was over. They began to walk home dragging their feet in dejection and disappointment. Jesus himself met them on the road and asked why they were so dejected. They responded by saying, “Jesus was crucified there three days ago. WE THOUGHT HE WOULD BE THE ONE TO LIBERATE ISRAEL. Now He is dead.” (Misplaced expectation) Oh how many times have I done that?!?! I have thought God would do or perform according to my own expectation! I thought God should and would do it my way! I expected it to be done in my expected time frame! Yup, great platform for disappointment. I love how Jesus helped them deal with it though. Jesus took the scriptures and, beginning with the Torah and then the prophets, showed them what they all meant concerning Himself, that He was to die and be raised from the dead. Jesus took them to scripture! Pastor, you said it best. “So, if you are feeling disappointment over an unfulfilled expectation, remember this… God is faithful, He will fulfill His purpose through you – but only if it’s His purpose and not yours.” Disappointment is broken when we allow God to fulfill HIS PURPOSE through us, not our own. Jesus had to bring the men from Ammaus back to HIS PURPOSE through the reading of scripture. I believe God is calling me to a deeper understanding of His word. This is the only way my purposes can become HIS purposes therefor limiting my own disappointments.
Johnny, very well said!! I hope the rest will take a little time to read your comment. It’s only through His Word that we are able to connect with purpose, thus eliminating disappointments.
many times I found myself in point #3 where I stop expecting thing in order for me not to get dissapointed, I lower my expectations in every area so if things happen great and if don’t happen great too but as you said Pastor I stop dreaming. I realized that when I want things my way or I have my own plans it doesn’t mean that those are God’s plans.Now in this season of my life I want to dream again and have expectations for God’s plans in my life which maybe they won’t come in my timing but in God ‘s timing and he never comes late.
Jessica, as long as your expectations are on Him you will most certainly connect with your purpose! Jessica… I’m very proud of you!
We all have been disappointed in life, but I agree with you to say that does disappointments comes from us not from God… And we tend to believe something else, and make us stop dreaming on what God desires for us. We need to learn form those disappointments and keep moving forward!!! This blog as touched me a lot. Thanks pastor.
Keep dreaming!!!! Lesbia!!
Las desiluciones nos pueden destruir o hacer crecer, claro que todo esto tiene que ver con la actitud que asumimos al tener esta experiencia. La actitud que tengamos solo es un indicador de la presencia de Dios en nuestra vida. La biblia dice que Si Dios es con nosotros no hay nadie que pueda con nosotros.
Roman R.
Yes Roman, its all about he attitude!
I was stuck on #3 for a while but then came Jesus and began to renew my mind. I believe there are different levels of disappointments some affect us more than others. My worst ones have been through relationships (hurt by others) which hardened my heart and built walls not allowing people in. Once my relationship with Christ began to gain root and flourish I began to heal and learn from disappointments knowing He is faithful and He is the only one I can trust. The more self-less I become, the more I decrease so He can increase, the less disappointments I encounter. Pastor I know its a process but healing the disappointments is key in progression. Thank you for feeding us good word.
You are welcome…. I pray that I can be a voice and a part of the puzzle in your life that will get you to the next levels of your life and ministry.
I’m learning to trust and rely on God more than ever. I’ve been disappointed many times in my life but God has shown me that He is faithful no matter how I perceive my situations.
Good… Would love to have a bit more detail in your response.
All of us have been disappointed at one time or another… one thing that I have to push my self to do is to react differently after it takes place – for me at least, is a lot easier to have no expectations once I’ve been disappointed -not on a one time occasion but when it’s been an on going issue…I have to learn to give situations that don’t go my way to God and go to Him for wisdom and strength to learn to deal with those disappointments.
Mel… Yes that’s been a active things in my life as well, but the Lord will help us if we allow Him.
From all your points the one that caught my attention was the third one: Eliminating expectation is NOT the answer.
Many times I had to fight this tendency of not wanting to have expectation just because it hurts when they are not realized.
I got to the conclusion that, at least for me, the reason for this reaction is my unwillingness to deal with the pain of admitting to myself that my expectation was based on my own will not on His.
Yes… seems to be the popular response to disappointments.
I find that disappointment is traced back to doubt…like thunder follows lightning. In the periods of time when I recognize that Life in Christ is a life of abundance nothing at all slows me down, and bouncing back is automatic. and disappointment is literally impossible. In the other periods, when I am distracted by the limitations of my own understanding doubt kicks in and forward momentum screeches to a halt….from that moment, temporary disappointment is inevitable.
To live in a state of complete abundance I have built a short checklist based on my observations:
1. Pursue an outcome much bigger than yourself
2. Plan for a goal after the goal
3. Honor your role, desire greater responsibility
4. Seek, find, and destroy unforgiveness and bitterness within
5. Be selfless, humble in Spirit, and respect your team members
6. Control your emotions
Great points David!! Love it!!
Wow, such a good perception of disappointments. I’ve been guilty of #3 countless times. Giving up on God, no expectation, hope, or faith — just waiting for the next disappointment. I’ve moved passed that but still have a long way to go. In the times that things have gone wrong or not the way I planned, I just thought of it as God not wanting to do that thing in my life. Sometimes it was for my own good, but most times it was because God had something much better than what I had in mind and with a much better timing. Our disappointments can quickly become our greatest blessings if we just learn to wait on God and believe in His faithfulness. God is good!
Great advice and behavior… That’s trusting the Lord…